


Shattered

by LaLaLumina



Series: Hotel for the Broken : Deleted Scenes [8]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Alpha Miya Atsumu, Alpha Miya Osamu, Alpha Ojiro Aran, Alpha Suna Rintarou, Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Emotional Hurt, Hurt No Comfort, Implied/Referenced Gang Activity, M/M, Mentioned Ikejiri Hayato, Omega Kita Shinsuke, Omega Kyoutani Kentarou, Panic Attack, Rare Pair, Rare Pairing, True Mates, emotional breakdown
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-16
Updated: 2019-03-16
Packaged: 2019-11-19 01:46:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,560
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18129332
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LaLaLumina/pseuds/LaLaLumina
Summary: Kentarou overhears some of the Inarizaki gang members discuss the skirmish they had returned from a few hours ago.And what he hears cracks at the fragile shell he had erected to cover the guilt that had been slowly growing inside him.The shell has been cracked and Kentarou can't do anything but to let it fall apart, himself joining it.





	Shattered

**Author's Note:**

  * For [White_roses_77](https://archiveofourown.org/users/White_roses_77/gifts).
  * Inspired by [Hotel for the Broken](https://archiveofourown.org/works/13084488) by [White_roses_77](https://archiveofourown.org/users/White_roses_77/pseuds/White_roses_77). 



> This is kind of a vent one-shot, and who better to vent his emotions than the one who has been hiding his emotions and poisonous self-harming thoughts since incapacitating Osamu. *hugs Kentarou*
> 
> Title is named after the song "Shattered" by Trading Yesterday, which I started out listening to...before ending up with "Without Me" by Halsey on loop for the rest of the time spent writing this...which actually didn't take long. *pats self on the back*
> 
> Without Me will be used as a chapter title for something else down the road involving these two...I'm not excited for it.
> 
> ...I love these two, I swear....I really do want a happy ending for them (because that's what I need in life to be honest), but happy endings don't come without suffering...and our boy is doing a lot of suffering here...warning you all now.
> 
> This is fairly raw.
> 
> Also, this is a standalone, but to understand some of what is going on, you can hop on over to my other piece that precedes this, The Babysitter. Both of these pieces are inspired by Hotel for the Broken, so if you all want to understand the universe these characters are in and are looking for a meaty, long read then check out the story.
> 
> Anyway, without further ado! Please enjoy.

The dam was breaking. The dam was breaking and he had to get to his room before anyone noticed.

All his mind could do was replay everything he had just heard.

_"Dammit!" A heavy thud followed the explicative._

_"Atsumu, calm-"_

_"Don't you dare tell me to calm the fuck down! You heard what they said!"_

_"They could be lying-"_

_"No Ojiro, Tendou looked far too smug for me to consider him lying about Osamu being that badly injured."_

Because as much as he wanted to deny it, his heart couldn't ignore what he'd just overheard. A part of him wished he hadn't eavesdropped, but at the mention of his true mate's name his body had frozen outside the door to one of the meeting rooms in this so called base of the Inarizaki gang. And he'd listened until he couldn't.

_"He said he was going through physical therapy now to help him recover, but that it wasn't a guarantee he'd regain full mobility."_

_"That bad?"_

_"Apparently."_

_"The bastard probably hopes he doesn't get better."_

_"Atsu-"_

_"It's not fair! When the time came, I wanted a fair fight between us." a harsh, wet sniffle followed. "But that can't happen if he's handicapped like he is now."_

_"If it's true, I can't imagine Osamu enjoying it any more than you are now."_

_It was silent for a moment before Ojiro spoke up again._

_"Did Tendou say who did it?"_

_"No…"_

Tears filled Kentarou's eyes, the omega closing them fiercely to prevent them from leaking, jaw tight as he rushed quietly down the hall. His eyes squinted open briefly when he felt he was close to the room he shared with Ikejiri, opening it quickly and softly shutting it behind him. A choked sob escaped his throat.

The knowledge that Ikejiri and the kids weren't in the room was merely an afterthought as Kentarou stumbled toward his bed, the first noise followed by halting accompaniments of the same sound. They didn't stop until his body collapsed on the closest bed, his posture forgotten in the wake of his personal turmoil.

**_'I did it…I hurt him…I hurt my true mate…I know he deserved it…but…'_ **

Those thoughts that had been racing before now slowed, but in slowing down the impact was made greater, and thus had the blond cradling his head in his hands and hunching in on himself, a yelling sob bursting from his throat.

With the log in his throat now punched out of him, the sobs refused to stop, his mouth open wide and fangs bared. The tears he'd struggled so hard to hold back now fell down his face in streams.

And in these moments, Kentarou couldn't hate himself more, his shouting sobs filled his ears as proof of his own frustration, rage and guilt.

He hated the feeling of his eyes burning with the tears that wouldn't stop no matter how much he wished they'd just vanish. He hated the sensation of congestion creeping up on him and solidifying its presence as he cried, his fingers digging harshly into his skull when liquid descended from his nostrils to bead on his upper lip before dropping unceremoniously onto the ground, then curling under his lip and trailing down his fangs to begin dripping from the tips of his canines. He hated how the more he yelled, the more saliva began to build up under his tongue and subtly escaped his mouth along the sides and then over the plumpest part of his bottom lip when he refused to close his mouth. He hated how his frame began to shake and tremble with the effort to maintain the cry, stubbornly refusing to acknowledge there was more to it than that. He hated the raw sound of his own voice as he basically screamed out his sobs, the power and strength behind his first yell growing weaker and thinner as he held the cry. He hated his own harsh pants when he couldn't hold the initial cry anymore, letting out another sobbing yell of rage in retaliation to the unforgiving silence that met the end of his first vocal expulsion.

In the few short minutes of crying that felt like eternity to him, the slowed down thoughts had picked up again like a maelstrom, Kentarou hardly able to keep up but digesting it mentally nonetheless.

**_'They'll hate me. They'll kill me. I don't deserve this. I deserve this. I hate myself. Why me? Why him? He didn't want me. He doesn't want me. Who'd want me? Nobody would want me. Nobody wants me. He won't get better. It'smyfaultit'smyfaultitsmyfaultitsmyfault- I hate him. I hate me. I don't want him. I don't need him. He doesn't need me. Who needs me? No one. Nobody. Whywhywhywhywhywhy?! I DON'T WANT HIM! I DON'T WANT HIMIDON'TWANTHIMIDONTWANTHIMIDONTWANTHIMIWANTHIM-'_ **

Despite the thoughts zooming 'round his mind in a tortuous loop, he still caught the moment his hindbrain slipped in with the truth. The truth he didn't want to acknowledge, let alone accept now in the wake of everything he had learned.

He still wanted him. Despite being rejected. Despite what he'd done to the alpha. Despite his anger towards Osamu for what he'd done to the people in this new circle Kentarou was now a part of. What he was still doing to them all.

Without realizing it, his body had frozen in physical shock at the mental revelation. The sounds he'd been making abruptly stopped and were sucked back in his throat harshly. Before he could comprehend his physical state, one sickening thought returned to help resume everything.

**_'But he'll never want you.'_ **

His bellowing sob rent the air once more, but this time his eyes shot wide open in unbridled rage and hurt as he shot to his feet and lunged to the left to slam a fist unforgivingly into the wall.

His mind emptied at the release of kinetic energy, and in doing so his voice left him, his hyperventilating breaths filling the room. He sniffled harshly when his mouth closed, opening his mouth again when he found himself too congested to breathe through his nose.

The tension slowly bled from his shoulders as his frame relaxed after expelling his emotions in a physical manner. The release of tension, however, left him in a state that only heightened his own feelings of weakness.

His hard, red-rimmed eyes remained fixed on the fist that had created a sizable crater in the concrete wall, the struggle to maintain the anger all the greater with the adrenaline out of his system. He could only ignore the physical signs of exhaustion for so long.

His arms and legs quivered with the struggle to use their remaining strength to keep him in place. His eyelids were puffy and swollen, and all he wanted was to close them and never open them again. His nose was red and irritated, a raging headache beginning to form all around his skull from a likely combination of the crying, the clogged sinuses and the sudden harsh movements he had made. The pain radiating from his clenched fist hinted at a strong likelihood of broken bones, a mix of a whimper and a grunt escaping his throat as he relaxed his hand and pulled it away from the wall.

He only had the chance to glance numbly at his bleeding and quickly bruising hand before crumpling to the ground, his legs giving out on him. There was a pause in his descent to the ground, remaining on his knees sloppily for a few long seconds before he closed his eyes and leaned to the side to collapse against the hard floor.

A groan of pain left his throat at the impact of this throbbing skull against the unforgiving ground, but he made no effort to get up. The tears that resumed their escape from his eyes now followed gravity to the ground, closing his eyes doing nothing to stop the feeling of the tears trekking over his nose and slowly forming a wet mess for his face to rest over.

Short, soft exhales filled the silence of the room once more, though the noise was much fainter and the breaths no longer held the aggression or stress that had been present in him moments ago.

With what felt like a monstrous amount of effort, Kentarou opened his eyes just enough to watch as he laid his broken hand flat on the ground mere inches from his face. He bit his lip as it started to quiver, spreading out his fingers in an effort to make sure his hand would heal properly, knowing that if he slept now until later the next day, the hand would be healed.

 ** _'Healed? Oh no, this one deserves to be scarred too._** ' came the haunting voice in his mind, the one that had convinced him to let the wound on his thigh scar, though he knew he could heal the scar at any time, just like he had the others from that fight.

At the thought, a new weariness entered the omega's expression, closing his eyes and letting out a slow breath. He was too exhausted to process much more than mentally respond before succumbing to fatigue, though that one thought held all the genuine honesty that could not be held back any longer.

**_'No, I hurt enough already.'_ **

**Author's Note:**

> *takes a deep breath*
> 
> I feel a little better writing that.
> 
>  
> 
> Fun Fact: I don't like vulgar language, at all. Curse words, especially when I hear them in conversation around me, is anxiety inducing. Sometimes I can watch movies that cuss and read things that cuss occasionally, but not excessively. So, that f-bomb in here was like my PG-13 moment for you all *rubs neck sheepishly*.
> 
> For those who have read my work or familiar with Hotel for the Broken, Kentarou here is about as strong as Kita, definitely more defined lean muscle (what with not being a mother and all). But keep in mind that while Kita's strength is definitely unusual for him, it isn't for Kentarou. Being a bloodline member whose abilities are not dormant, his strength is greater than it would be if his abilities and bloodline were dormant, explaining his ability to make a sizable crater out of solid concrete in one punch. Then add his physical conditioning and being adept in various fighting styles has only honed that strength. If his bloodline was dormant, he would physically be weaker than Kita even with his training and fighting at his strongest. But as he was taught, being physically stronger or more built doesn't automatically make you the victor in a fight.
> 
> Despite the hopelessness and painful perspective, I hope you enjoyed this from a literary standpoint.
> 
> Leave a comment of your thoughts or a kudos works just as well, know they make my day and I enjoy responding to comments.
> 
> Thank you for reading!


End file.
